Sometimes, just some random times, I look back, open up the memories of me when I was younger. I remember the young me, careless and ignorance. I still am. but less. I remember me being so bold, and adventurous, and random and weird. sometime I missed those time, riding alone under the rain, or just siting by myself in the middle of clove plantation with book and a glass of coffee 4 pm local time (which I never meet any girl did that). I missed the air, the orange sky that evening, I missed the rain, the grass.

It isnt like that I cant do it anymore. just, me in my home with my family is soooo much fun rather than being alone in the middle of woods. being alone doesnt sound like fun anymore. its just maybe it’s fun to be stranded among the woods once in a while. just me, book, music and a glass of coffee…. šŸ˜€


Huge things for the big minds

I always said that I have dreams.. Dreams I want to pursue since I graduated from college. Before that, I didn’t even have a courage to think that I will make my way to college because of our economic issues. But, Luckily I have a broaden minded Mom. She never give up on me. on our condition. She said that economic never been our issues when it comes to education. I never late to pay my school fees by the way, despite the reality that on the other hand we have to manage our money tightly on clothes, house, food etc.

But since I gotĀ a scholarship to continue my study to university. I learn to dream BIG. I learn that we are able to reach anything… anything at all as long as we fight for it and pray.

I want to reach every corner of the galaxy..heheheee my galaxy name earth. I want to learn lots of things, from management, economics, engineering, renewable energy and the list goes on. I love to read. love to learn new things. because I just can’t stop thinking about lots of things. I just want to fly. to taste the bitter and sweet of life in the other part of this world, away from home. learn different culture. speak different languages.

And suddenly one day, my galaxy stop spinning. and my universe fading out. it stop. right in his eyes. he looks at me in his pure-beautiful-crystal eyes. and I freeze. right at that moment, the theory about time and space no longer relevant. the word of ‘me’, ‘my self’ no longer exist. I don’t even know what that is. The boy that could make me surrender on everything, my ‘BIG’ dream is fading. I don’t know what I want to do, what I want to achieve. as long as I can be there, beside him. everything will be fine. and I feel content that way. I feel complete.

But recently when I try to reminiscence the old days, about my glory-arrogant day where I am positive, 100% sure that I can conquer the world. when I read books about people who have the same dream as mine. I start to dream again. I long for another science, another tight schedule, lots of paper-work, another research and everything. I miss Uni life. I miss my dream. I miss my glory-arrogant self. finally I miss the old Retno Ires who swore to travel across the planet to find and learn lots of things. But still, He is the one who holds the key. anytime he is ready. I’ll make my way.

Because he is bigger than myself, bigger than my universe. Our little A.

[story] perfect?

Dream and Share

I was stroling out of youtube videos when I found that there are lots of negative even rude and offensive comments on almost every videos. Even something like card making DIY videos got some negative comments.

Anf not just in youtube. We could find the same people scater on every social medias nowadays..

I justā€¦ I donā€™t get it. How those offensive and rude words somehow delight the writer. How does it feels to make other people feel bad and down. Does it feels great?? And some other people tend to reply with another more horrible way possible -especialy for something sensitive like religion etc.

Moslem always beingĀ issued lots of times(massively) Ā since 9/11 tragedy. they point their finger to all of the moslem living in this earth without knowing who we really are. without asking is it Islam asked us (moslem) to do the same thing to all the non-moslemā€¦

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He is kind a guy who will barge into my room open up all the food stock I have and asked me to cook for him.

He is the only guy who took my big bar of chocolate (that I’ve been kept for special event) and licked to all of the surface so I wouldn’t took it back… *gross*

He is the first guy I would call if I got in fight with my boyfriend..*ups*

He is kind a guy I would call on the middle of the night just talking nonsense

He is the first guy I would tell my stupid, dangerous, and my jerky acts

If I kinda feel stupid or If my brain get messed up, He is Mr right who will straighten my way….

He is the only person who could scold me really harsh and I -fortunately- listen to it.

I like everytime he took me home from his place (mosque)
and I like hanging around in his place with aaaallll his friends (mosque)

He is the guy I loved to teased the most….


So…. I have this problem recently. I have been soooo creative for the past couple weeks and wanna create lots of things. From crochet to bloging, teaching and lecturing, ribbon rose and another card making, wall art and everything.
I’ve been so active and I can’t stop. And it drives me crazy when anything or anyone stops me. But here my problem lies. My physical being, can’t compete with my overhead ideas. So, most of my ideas ended up to be -just- an ideas. I can’t do my card making, explosion box art, wall art things like I used to do. Because it just simply time is a luxury I can’t afford. This teaching and lecturing things is spent half of my day and crochet spent the rest of it. Because I do publish my crochet publicly so, some order need to be done really soon. So… bye-bye wall art,card, and explosion box. I hardly focus on one thing except when I make a program. It’s hard for me to just do and focus on one things at the moment. Another thought (about what kind of card I wanna make, or about what kind of wall art I have to create and everything) will come up and annoy me…. well my head spining around and it can’t stop. I simply wish that my body can do more and if I might ask a simple – yet a big thing- to God. Well…. you know, 24 hours just not enough… heheheheee


well, finally someone told me something about ‘being organized’. I’m not that kind of person, but I find it necessary for blogs I create and manage.

I have three blogs at the moment, I mostly being active in Ā dream and share and less active here. since I post mostly… everything related to me on dream and share, I became care-less to the other blog I created. and speak about being organized, since today I will keep my post being categorized into personal affairs and issues or is it related to my job and educational things.

here will be ( just like the name ) the story of my life, the story I happen to make, or the reviews of my books collection….

yaaaayyy….. happy. for a reason I cannot describe I am happy and I don’t know what I’m talking about… hahahaha

[story] Sinar jangan redup

Sinar gadis kecil berumur 9 tahun itu menghapus peluh yang menetes deras di pelipisnya. matanya memincing melihat temannya di kejauhan di kalahi sinar matahari yang terus membakar di sekelilingnya.

Temannya memberengut, melihat Sinar yang terus melamban. di sampingnya berdiri laki – laki paruh baya tengah melipat tangannya. Kakinya terus menghentak – hentak tidak sabar. Dengan muka merah dia menunjuk beberapa orang laki – laki yang lebih muda dan melihat Sinar dengan tatapan sengit.

Dua pria muda mendekati Sinar tak kalah garangnya. Sesiangan ini mereka belom bisa mampir di warung kopi langganan mereka hanya untuk sekedar menggoda pelayannya yang cantik. itu semua karena anak – anak kecil rewel seperti Sinar. Sinar tak lagi mampuĀ  merasakan cengkeraman kedua laki – laki itu di baju dan lengannya. Hanya erangan dan kaki yang terseok – seok mengimbangi langkah lebar pemuda – pemuda itu.

Sinar di hempaskan di samping kaki laki – laki paruh baya yang sedang menatapnya jijik. Sinar bergetar, peluhnya sekarang jadi keringat dingin. Dia harus berdiri, pikirnya. di tekan perutnya yang kosong sejak kemaren sore. menaruh harapan akan ada sisa makanan untuk nanti malam yang akan mengisinya. Dia tak berani menangis… Sinar terlalu lelah menangis. Dia mulai berjalan dengan sandal bekas yang hanya setipis kulit hingga telapak kakinya terbakar panas trotoar, baju pemberian laki – laki ini yang tak terbilang minggu selalu melekat di badannya tanpa pernah sekalipun di cuci. Sinar tidak berani mengeluh. tidak separah katapun. hanya berharap bisa memberikan kabar gembira pada perutnya nanti malam. dengan memeluk gitar mungilnya, dia mulai menyeret langkahnya ke arah alun – alun kota.